Dear Emma
by hunnyfresh
Summary: Every 5 years since she was 13, Emma writes a letter to her future self letting her know what she's been through and offering up words of encouragement to keep her on the right track. Over 25 years, Emma's life changes drastically for the better.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any recognizable characters.**

**AN: I don't know where this came from. I started doing these letters myself, and then of course Swan Queen took over my life. **

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Dear 18-year old me,

Please tell me you got out of here. I don't think I can handle the Johnson's any longer. I'm pretty sure they're done with me too. I swear I'm never touching anything stronger than beer if stronger stuff makes you...well that scar on your arm is all the reminder you need. Or maybe it went away? It still kind of hurts but I managed to wrap it up for now.

There's some scholarship program at my school that I'm gonna apply to. Did we get it? I'll get to go to the preppy school with the kilts and the sweater vests. It sounds lame, but I hear they have brand new computers and their washrooms actually work. I'll be a Preppy High girl.

Bobby's been hanging out with me a lot lately. I think he likes me, and I kind of like him too. We've got a school dance coming up, and I think he's gonna ask me. Do you still talk to him?

I know it's stupid to ask, but did you find them? You know who I'm talking about. Maybe they found you. Maybe tomorrow they'll knock on the door ready to take me back. Or maybe not. Doesn't matter anyway.

I don't know what you're like, but I hope you're doing better than me. Do you live in your own house? Do you have a really hot boyfriend? I bet you're the smartest one in college or maybe you have an awesome job. It doesn't matter who you are, just as long as you're out of here.

From,

13-year old Emma

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Dear 23-year old Emma,

I almost forgot I was writing these. So much for writing a letter to future self every year. I found 13-year old Emma's letter while unpacking some boxes. I don't even know why I came to Tallahassee, but it's better than a cell.

I really disappointed her. I touched much stronger stuff than beer. God, if I could warn her to run away sooner from the McCarthy's before...well maybe things would have been different. She'd be pissed to see where I was the last eleven months. Hell, look where I am now. What am I doing here anyway? Do I really expect to find Neal here? You know what, I hope I do because when I do I'm gonna beat the crap out of him. The asshole framed me when I helped him get away and clear his name? When I get my hands on him they're gonna find a real reason to put me in jail. I hope you've learned your lesson from him because this hurts way too much.

Maybe you're doing better than 13-year old Emma and me. I do have my own place. It's just a basement apartment with no stove and a washroom with murky water. Sad thing is I've been through worse, but you know that.

The only good thing about jail was that I actually graduated high school. Who knew? No preppy school girl uniform but I pulled off the orange coveralls.

That wasn't the only good thing.

What do you think he's like? Do you think his family is good to him? You know what, I don't want to know. He's better off and it's a hell of a lot more than I ever got. He's got a family.

The past five years I've disappointed little Emma, but maybe you did better. Maybe you actually went to college and got yourself out of the gutter. But if you're still stuck in this crappy basement apartment, that's okay too. I won't blame you.

From,

18-year old Emma

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Dear 28-year old Emma,

Looks like I'm sticking to this letter thing. I kept the last two, and I just felt like I needed to write to you and let you know that for the first time in my life, I'm not in a bad place. Tallahassee wasn't for me. Neither was Cali or Texas or Ohio.

I'm writing this on my break, I bartend now in Chicago. Not a bad gig. Manager's nice enough and the crowd isn't too handsy. Past Emmas would have thought this was the dream, I think. It could be better. I got a small flat above the bar I work at. Did you ever get that house we always wanted? Do we still want that? The flat isn't so bad, I guess. It's not much, but I get by. As soon as I save up I might head south for a bit.

I just realized it's been ten years since the very first letter. That's crazy to think about. I always thought I'd be somewhere else by now. God, ten years. If I could talk to 13-year old us, I'd tell her I'm sorry for fucking up our lives this much. I don't think she ever thought we'd be homeless at one point, but we got out of it. It wasn't her fault though. People just suck and don't understand. Whatever happened the last ten years, I'm gonna make the next five worth it.

My other letters weren't that great and now that I'm older, I want you to remember what I've done, and maybe it'll help you to remember that you should be proud of how far we've come.

I've been moving around a lot, obviously. I don't know why, sometimes it just feels like I'm ready to be done with a city. I just had this image of older me settling down. Do you think we'd ever do that? I don't know either. Where would I settle down?

Maybe you did already. Maybe you've got someone to spend your life with. If you do and there's time traveling in five years, can you come back here and let me know how you do that? You didn't show, so there's either no time traveling or we're still wonderfully single.

It's okay. Less dishes to wash.

I managed to educate myself in the last five years. I took night classes and got my smart serve, so you're welcome for getting you a job. At least tell me you have a job when you're 28. I don't care if you live in a crappy apartment, just tell me I'm able to feed myself in the future.

There's a very good chance you may have plummeted again, but I hope this letter helps you pick yourself up. We already disappointed little Emma and fresh out of jail Emma, but whatever crap you may be going through right now, we've had it worse.

I'll see you in 5 years.

23-year old Emma

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Dear 33-year old Emma,

It's been a wild few months, I'll tell you that. I found my son. Well, he found me. Henry. He's kind of amazing, if not a little stubborn, but he is my kid, right?

First, can we take a moment to appreciate that 23-year old me would be proud? I'm living in Storybrooke now, and it looks like it will be for good. Shocking, I know, but this place is different. I'm a Deputy, thanks to my years as a bounty hunter, and I have a kid. Isn't that crazy? I have a kid.

I never thought I'd meet him, you know? And then he just comes knocking on my door, and I move for him. His mom is a piece of work though. I want to punch her in the face. I tried to cut down her apple tree just to piss her off, and in hindsight I can see why she was mad, but you should have seen her face. Best decision ever.

Forget her. Back to Henry.

I'm glad he found me when he did. I have my life together. I had a nice place in Boston, and I had a real job and paid my bills on time, and the water was always warm and the power never went out. It's crazy. I never thought what it would be like raising a kid, but I think I'm ready for it.

Shit. Please tell me he's still in your life. If Regina slaps a restraining order on me within five years, I swear I'll burn that tree down. If there's time traveling then come back from the future and let me know so I can get the gasoline. Nothing? Fine. Seriously, he has to be in your life, he's your son. He's our son.

Oh, by the way. I have friends now. MM and Ruby. I live with Mary Margaret actually. 23-year old me would be weirded out, and I was at first, but there's something about her that seems familiar. She's like the older sister I never had. Or maybe I do have an older sister. Whatever, she's pretty cool.

I know in my other letters, I always wondered where you are or what you'd be like. I always wanted you to do something that you never did or be someone that you couldn't be. This time, I really hope you stay. The kid needs you, now more than ever. He's not as well off as we wanted, and we're better, so we can change that. I'm not saying take Henry back, but just be in his life. He deserves that.

28-year old Emma

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Dear 38-year old Emma,

We did it. We have a home. I don't even know where to begin from the last five years.

First off, fairy tales are real. God forbid anyone who's not me reads this and thinks I'm crazy. I figured that out when Henry was put under a sleeping curse and I fought a dragon. Don't forget our amazing trip to the Enchanted Forest. Future Self, don't go back there. You're getting old to be doing that. Besides, I'm hoping you have better things to do than going ogre-chasing.

I found my parents. They're Snow White and Prince Charming of all people, but they're my parents, and it's crazy, but they want me. We're a family. I spent nearly all my life looking for these people, and they were here just waiting for me. Literally. They waited 28 years for me to come back.

These past five years have felt like I've been in some crappy Indiana Jones movie. I've fought dragons. I've befriended giants. I have magic. I have a family.

If you're wondering why I'm saying that so often, it's because I found somebody, and you'll have a hard time believing who. Actually, if I'm lucky enough, you'll know exactly who I'm talking about. Maybe you come home to her every night. Maybe you wake up to her every morning. It's likely that you hate each other and haven't seen each other in five years, but I don't know. I have a good feeling.

I'm going on a date with Regina tomorrow.

Yes. Regina Mills. Henry's other mother. I kind of want to see the look on your face and on 28-year old Emma's face reading that. But she didn't put me under spell. Not literally anyway. That was sappier than I intended, but I'm really excited for it.

We've been spending time with each other after the war (good memories of that!), and one day I just looked at her and it was different. Tell me we didn't mess it up. Tell me we kept someone who understands us in our lives. It just makes sense when she's there with me and Henry.

Oh god, Henry is a 16-year old beast. I swear the kid's built like a linebacker. I'm trying to teach him how to drive, but Regina caught us. It's how I asked her out. This cleverness of me better still be with you by the time I get there. Oh god in five years, Henry's going to be 21. I don't even want to think about that right now.

You're almost 40, Em. Right now, life couldn't get any better. We have everything and everyone we need. All I ask is that in five years if I've messed it up, remember this letter and try to fix it. We can't lose this. We can't run away from this. Not this time.

From,

33-year old Emma

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Dear 43-year old Emma,

God, you're old. Henry reminds you that every day, but Regina doesn't make you feel that way. I swear, it's like she gets younger and more beautiful every day. She insists there are wrinkles on her face, but I don't see anything.

It's been 25 years since the first letter, and it's safe to say we made 13-year old Emma proud. There were bumps along the way, but look at me now. Married with two kids. Henry's at Berkeley, and it took a lot of convincing for Regina to allow him to move so far. He visits every holiday and stays the summer, but I miss the kid. More like a man actually. Is he married in five years? Nope. I don't want to think about that. Oh god, what if I'm already a grandma? Regina would say it's genetics but she'd secretly love it. Maybe it won't be so bad being a grandma.

I found his old fairy tale book when Regina made me clean out the attic. I can't believe it's been ten years since I moved to Storybrooke. I didn't even know I was capable at staying in a place for so long, but Past Self was right. We needed to be here. I want to be here. This is where our family is.

I never thought I'd ever be married or have kids. Angie's growing up so fast. She looks just like Regina. She told me to 'hush' the other day, and I swear she did the glare like her mom. She's Regina's little girl though. They tea party together and pick apples, and I look at them, and I can't believe how lucky I am. It was scary for a little bit when Regina was pregnant with her. I was terrified of messing up as a mom, I mean I didn't raise Henry until he was older and by then he was already good. They're the best things that ever happened to me. Seriously. Fix it if I mess it up. I'm trying so hard not to.

Angie's 8 in your time, isn't she? I bet she's still a princess. My parents love her. It's hard not to.

I've moved out of MM's obviously, and me and Henry moved in with Regina over four years ago. Best decision ever. I never thought I'd feel this way for anyone, but Regina brings it out of me so effortlessly. When I proposed it was the most nerve-wracking thing of my life. We still fight, as I bet you and Future Regina do, and I know at times the fights get bad. Whatever you're fighting about, it's not worth it. Put your pride away. All that matters is her and the kids. You spent too long breaking down her walls, and letting her through yours. Don't ever forget that she loves you and that you love her. Based on what I'm feeling now, I don't think you'll ever forget that.

I don't remember why I started writing these letters. Maybe to remind my future self of all the things I wanted to do. Maybe I didn't ever want to forget myself or who I was. Truth is, I just needed to know there was someone out there who cared about what I did or what I was doing or who I was. Even if it was just a Future Self caring. But I have people who do that willingly.

_We_ have people that care and love us.

I know they're still in your life. You don't let go or run away so easily anymore. I know this is what I've been looking for, and I don't know what the next five years has in store for me, but I know for sure that I'm going to be fine. More than fine.

From,

38-year old Emma

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**THE END**


End file.
